Keepin’ it Real

So the website wasn’t even twenty-four hours old before I received my first angry complaint – and naturally, it was from my wife. It seems that neither Jennifer nor any of her friends “get” the last line of my bio: “He often lives with his family in Pacific Palisades, California.” And while they’re on the subject, they’re scratching their pretty heads over the first line as well: “[He] has stolen vast sums from all the major media companies.”

I long ago learned Comedy Writer Rule #1, which is Never Attempt to Explain the Jokes. If you miss someone’s funny bone with your first parry, it’s unlikely you’re going to crack him up by proving he would have laughed if only he wasn’t such an idiot. And besides, the wife and her friends are no idiots. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be living in Pacific Palisades, California.

So rather than defend the gags, or God forbid rewrite them, I will simply acknowledge that they have no basis in reality. I worked my ass off for every dime I ever extracted from the entertainment business, and I leave home so infrequently I often wonder why I own a car. Or shoes. And although I’ve been known to lodge a complaint or two of my own, I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s.

Except of course my wife’s.